Thursday, May 29, 2008

Thinking of a Title Would Be Too Much Like DOING Something

I tell you what, I mostly took this week off.

No YMCA. By Wednesday morning, I decided that I could turn a few days of laziness into an overt act of defiance, and boycotted the Y altogether. Not because I have any particular anger at the Y, I simply COULDN'T FACE IT this week.

No lunch-making. Well, maybe one day I did, I think, but yesterday I had a vending-machine bag of Doritos for lunch, and today I had a crappy cheeseburger from the snack bar adjacent to the vending machine.

No sewing, no knitting, no Artist's Way-ing, no home-improvementing, no getting ready to start my violin lessons-ing. Rather than working with my hands, I spent much of the week admiring my new black fingernail polish. (Which is totally fab, by the way, and made me feel very rebellious all week.)

I think my no-doing rubbed off on Todd, because he suggested we take the weekend off, too, to celebrate his week of working-really-hard-in-a-trial, and my working-really-hard-at-not-working-too-hard. We are heading out as soon as the jury's back tomorrow to Carter Caves State Park for some serious not-being-at-home.

Happy weekend!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

When Liberals Teach Sunday School

I recently learned that when you volunteer to "help out" with something at church, you often end up "in charge" of that something.

Such was the case when I volunteered for teaching summer Sunday School. Seriously, I thought I would show up, be told to help kids with a craft project or something, and go on my merry way.

Not so much.

This past Sunday, I found myself teaching two little kids (summer activities at my church are VERY sparsely attended) the story (which I had never heard before) of Jesus healing the ten lepers. The challenge was to somehow work a brief science experiment into that story. Weird, huh?

We ended up making "lava lamp bottles" out of oil and colored water, then we talked about how the lepers were so separated from, well, everybody else, and just like how the oil and the water couldn't mix with their different densities, that the two groups of people really couldn't mix.

Then we discussed how, if you have something to act as an emulsifier, you can actually mix oil and water, and how, with Jesus, you could bring the two groups -- lepers and everybody else -- together into one emulsified substance.

Yep, Jesus is the Great Emulsifier.

Catchy, isn't it? I'm sure a so-entitled hymn is just around the corner.

*Oh, and I totally have to give the credit for this heart-warming lesson to Todd, who came up with the whole Jesus = Emulsifier idea. I'm just a conduit, people.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

It Doesn't Help That Hillary Won My State

Over the past few years, I have found myself saying, on occasion, "I could have been a librarian."

Being a librarian really was my second choice for a career, and sometimes I do wonder if I made the right choice. For example, I had the following conversation today in court with a defense attorney:

Defense Dude: I can't believe you won that argument in court yesterday.

Me: Really?

Dude: Yeah, because I gave money to the judge's campaign. I expect to get something in return for that, you know.

Me: Well . . . I think it's nice to have a judge who may not think about who has donated money to him when making a judicial ruling.

Dude: I'm sure that's how you feel, but I gave him money, and I expect to win arguments for it. He just better not send me any more campaign solicitations for donations.

Seriously? He really said that out loud? I mean, I knew that a lot of attorneys thought that way, but to hear one just out and out say it?


Then tonight, as the returns are coming in from the primary, I'm forced to accept that the largest number of votes in the District Court Judicial race went to a girl with a lot of money, a father in politics . . . and less than two years of experience as an attorney.

I was terribly naive when I decided to become an attorney, and probably not much better when I actually started working. Maybe it's TOO naive for me to cling to some idea of honor in my profession. It certainly doesn't get me anywhere to act in an honorable manner myself. Somehow, though, I can't bring myself to get down in the muck with people like that guy I quoted up above.

Man . . . I could have been a librarian.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Monday Recommendations

Just a quickie today, as I find that Monday has worn me out so much that I am hardly coherent and have read the same page of a new library book five times and still couldn't tell you what the blazes that book is about.

1. Speaking of books, Todd and I had one of our rare occasions of reading the same book over the past few weeks. (Since he only reads books that are true, and I only read those that are the loveliest of lies, we don't converge in our reading material very often. The Testament of Gideon Mack turned out to be quite a thought-provoker, and I highly recommend it. But only if you're okay with feeling sorry for the Devil.

2. Little and I saw the new Narnia movie yesterday, and I highly recommend it, too. (See? You think reading this blog doesn't get you anything, but that's two recommendations in one post.) I totally jumped out of my skin a few times, and gasped, and covered my mouth and cried at the end. What more could a person ask for in a movie?

3. I had my first ever pedicure last weekend, and guess what? I highly recommend it. (That makes three.) Perfect for when you need to feel extra girly.

4. You know what else I recommend? Voting tomorrow, assuming you're in Kentucky. It's one of the few rights you have left.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Paulina said it, Not me

Well, color me tickled! My favorite guilty pleasure, America's Next Top Model, ended tonight with my favorite finale ever.

Yeah, yeah, I know it's a dumb show, and I know Tyra is clueless, but I can never resist all the fashion and makeup talk. I'm not going to lie, I'm not above doing a few runway walks across my living room floor.

And then there's THIS reason to watch:

Quite the hottie, that Nigel.

On tonight's finale, ANTM finally joined the world of real live women who eat, and picked the lovely, voluptuous, Whitney as this year's winner:

Of course, they made her blonde before she could win, but STILL! The first ever ANTM plus-size winner. Putting aside the fact that this is not a woman who would be called plus-size anywhere but in the modeling industry, I'm pleased as punch.

I also loved the quote from skinny-bitch judge Paulina, who obviously was NOT on board with a winning model who has eaten a sandwich and lived to tell about it: "Whitney is the woman every man would want in his bedroom, but Anya is who the women would buy a dress from."

I think I can live with that, Paulina. I think that is just A-Okay.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Making History

Yesterday, at about 3:45, I snuck out of my office and walked three blocks to stand in line until 5:00, when I was allowed into a building to stand and wait until 7:00, when I stood and listened to an hour-long speech, then trudged the five blocks back to my car.

My feet ached, and my back hurt, and I got smushed and jostled, and at some point, I turned to Todd, and said, "Someday we'll tell our grandchildren about this night."

We did all this to hear Barack Obama speak to us and 8,000 of our closest friends. And it was fantastic.

As I listened to him, I just kept thinking to myself, "This is where it all turns around. This is when it happens. This man will be the next President of the United States."

You know all those people who insist Obama doesn't seem to have anything to really SAY, that he's just a pretty face and a rousing speaker? I'm here to tell you, it's a lie.

He said that he will cut taxes to give people like me more money, and he'll pay for it by closing the corporate loopholes that are helping the rich get richer while I worry about gas money to get to work.

He said that he will institute tuition credits so EVERYONE can get the education they deserve.

He said that he will pay teachers more money so EVERYONE gets a higher-quality education.

. . . that he will explore alternative fuels so we can stop the continuing damage we are doing to our environment

. . . that he will end the war in Iraq so we can stop wasting the lives of our citizens

. . . that he will reform health insurance so EVERYONE can afford medical care, including our children and our elderly and emphasize prevention so we stop being the most unhealthy people on the planet

. . . and on and on, until every one of the 8,000 people in that auditorium really BELIEVED that our country can be something to be proud of again.

Rhetoric? Well, there's no doubt the man can speak. But I'm reminded of the saying, "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean no one's out to get you."

Just because he can speak doesn't mean he can't back it up.

Here's the one part of his speech that I plan to tell those grandchildren: After speaking of all the things he wants the country to do for us, he plainly stated that we have to be willing to give back. He urged each of us to "invest in our country," by volunteering our time and ourselves to what we deem to be worthy causes.

Because it's OUR country. And it's OUR government. I haven't believed that in a long time. Listening to Barack Obama, I started to believe again.

This man will be President. I believe it.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Hey! What's That in Your Pants?

Sometimes I find things to be funny that really aren't that funny.

Grammar, for instance. And making up words. Today a friend and I were laughing about the time she used the word "agreeance" (as in, you and I feel the same way about something, so we are in agreeance), and I thought it was kind of funny, until I realized she was SERIOUS and then it was just hysterical.

And my oldest niece, when she was younger, really liked to go shopping for clothes, and she would occasionally pick up a single article of clothing, like a shirt or a jacket or something, and say, "this is a cute clo."

Get it? Because "clo" would be the singular of the plural word "clo(th)es?"

And tonight, Todd and I had dinner at one of our favorite neighborhood haunts, Fat Jimmy's Pizza. As we were walking out, I noticed a crayon drawing of a pizza that a kid had done, stuck up on the wall, with the caption boldly proclaiming, "Fat Jimmy's Rule!"

Get it? Like the place is named for a bunch of Jimmies, all of them fat? Hilarious!

But then sometimes, I don't think things are nearly as funny as other people do. Today, in the conference room, one of the other prosecutors was handling a shoplifting case, and they were discussing the issue of restitution. The grocery store guy was explaining how they were owed restitution because they couldn't resell the items once they had crossed the threshold of the store door.

Trying to be helpful, I interjected, "Yeah, no one wants meat that's been in someone's pants."

And the room erupted.

Seriously, people, I was talking about steaks. What THEY were thinking, I just don't know.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

The Great Blog Catch-Up

Holy Blogoli, Batman! It's been a while since that last post down there. Don't worry, I did not run off with Eddie Izzard (he asked, but dude, I am happily married), I've just been neglecting the poor little blog. So here's the catch-up:

1. I had a second great outing with Little, which involved a BIG breakfast at Lynn's, and a movie. I had picked out a bunch of girly movies, but Little picked the new Jackie Chan. The new Narnia movie tops our list as a must-see. Little said to me, knowingly, "I think WE like magical stuff, don't we?" Yes, Little, we do, indeed.

2. I was ordained last weekend as a Presbyterian elder, but I don't feel any different. My first meeting is next week, so I'm still holding out hope for a secret handshake. I'm almost certain that I am the first Presbyterian elder whose mother plans to buy her a diamond nose ring to celebrate the occasion. I considered a tatto proclaiming PRESBYTERIAN ELDERS DO IT HOLIER but decided to go with the nose ring, instead.

3. I took a few much-needed days off last week and did a whole lot of laying around, but also spent an ENTIRE DAY sewing. I finished my class this past Monday night (a 101 Things accomplishment), and am feeling quite in the sewing groove. Since last we spoke, I've been working on . . .

a sewing-class-vest-I'll-probably-never-wear,

a difficult-to-photograph wrap-thingy to wear with my new sleeveless black dress,

and the top and bottom of a dress I started over a year ago (a middle is forthcoming).

4. I finally made the homemade power bars I've been thinking about making for ages. We are some Clif-bar-eating fools around here, so I thought it might make economical sense. I learned, however, that homemade power bars are WAY more expensive than Clif bars; I also learned that brown rice syrup is tasty enough to eat out of the jar with a spoon, not that I've actually done that, oh, no. These were pretty good, and I'm going to try a new batch with different tasty stuff. (What is up with the focus on this photo, I do not know.)

5. I'm following up Not Attending Thunder Over Louisville with Not Attending the Steamboat Race, Not Attending the Parade, Not Attending Oaks, and will cap it all off by Working Domestic Violence Intake on Derby Day. Quite the social butterfly, aren't I?

6. Finally, in case you need an election year pick-me-up, I was reminded by NPR this morning that on this day in history, 2003, George W. Bush declared the Iraq War "Mission Accomplished." Way to go, Dubya! Dude, your mom must be so proud.