A Friday Morning Tale of Woe

I have a cold.

Yes, I realize that hardly qualifies as a "tale of woe," but it is a particularly sucky cold, especially since I am now gainfully(ish) employed and do not yet have sick days.  So I am at work(ish), sneezing and sniffling and looking "fried," as one new coworker informed me.  (Thanks for that, by the way, coworker.)

My teeth hurt.

This might seem to you to be unrelated to a cold, but according to Dr. Interwebs, that is a sure sign of a sinus infection.  Did you know that?  I surely did not, but when I realized I was seriously contemplating pulling all the teeth out of my mouth with my own two hands, I looked it up.  And we all know that if Dr. Interwebs says it, it must be true.  Anyway, they really hurt.  Last night I found myself rubbing some kind of sore throat spray on my gums, thinking it would numb them, and all it did was make my lips numb.  Really, really numb.

So last night my inner, crunchy yoga-loving self decided that I should pull out my neti pot and try to fix up my errant sinuses.  For my less crunchy readers, let me just briefly explain:  the neti pot is a little genie's lamp looking thing that you fill with hot saltwater and pour into one side of your nose and let it drain out the other side.

Yeah, right about now you are thinking just how sexy I am, aren't you?  I thought so.

Anyway, I got out the little pot last night and poured it into one nostril (I hate that word. Nostril.  Yuck.), and waited for it to drain out the other side.  And waited.

And waited.

And the water never drained out.  It didn't go anywhere.  My poor, poor little sinuses are so swollen that even WATER can't get past 'em.

This morning I decided to try again.  It just seemed like the crunchy, yoga-loving thing to do.  I got the water really hot, stirred it up with the salty stuff, and poured it into a nostril.  (yucky word again)

And that hot, salty, water promptly backed up and refused to drain out the other side again, sending half of it gooshing out the original nostril (yuck) and the other half going down my throat. 

Dude.  That hurt. 

I totally water-boarded myself.  At 6:00 a.m..  With hot saltwater.

From there, the day can only get better.