Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Overheard in Kroger

If you know me in real life (and since I have an entire readership of approximately 5 people, you probably do), you know that I spend my days immersed in this other sort of sub-culture known as "warrant court."

The people who spend time in warrant court (and aren't paid for doing so) are a breed unto themselves. These are people for whom the common response to a fight with a boyfriend is to file a criminal complaint. People who will file charges against their grandma lickety-split. People whose grandmas have criminal records longer than the latest Harry Potter book.

Doing the job I do has its perks, though. It makes me a fairly amusing dinner companion, as I generally have at least one warrant court story to tell. Lately, though, I've been concerned that warrant court is leaking over into the "normal" world.

Case in point:

I was in Kroger the other day. Granted, it was the one fondly referred to as "Dirty Kroger," but it also is the one that happens to be closest to my house. It's in MY neighborhood, where the rabid raccoon in front of my house was considered a crime wave.

Anyway. There was a woman, about my age, a bit harried, with two children, a boy of around 5-ish (I'm childless, myself, so not so good with the age estimations) and a girl a bit older. The boy was holding a box of popsicles, and insisting, in a louder and louder voice, "I WANT THESE! I WANT THESE! I WANT THESE!"

The mother started out pretty well, first saying, "We'll buy you a treat, but we'll pick it out together in just a minute." But after several of the IWANTTHESE cries, she finally lost it and screamed back at him: "CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE PLEASE TO FINISH THIS I JUST NEED ONE MINUTE!"

The boy stomped off, wailing hysterically. As he pushed past his sister, she hitched her purse up on her shoulder, rolled her eyes, and muttered, "SOMEBODY has an ANGER problem."

Huh. A kid well-versed in the difficulties of anger management. Personally, I think I would have shoved them both in the freezer and pretended I didn't know what happened to them.

Guess that's why I don't have kids.


Jonathan's Mommy said...

Hysterical story! Not surprised AT ALL that happened in Dirty Kroger. Honestly, I actually expected you would say she beat that kid with the popsicles until both were squishy, so I was surprised that it had such a "happy" ending...

Bryan said...

Wait a minute. Where's Jonathan . . . . SHIT! JBF