The Sad Tale of the Four Animals' War

Once upon a time, there was a lovely young Princess who rescued a handsome Orange Cat from a life of scavenging on the streets. One day, the Princess met a lovely young man, and he had also rescued a scrappy Gray Cat from the streets. The Prince and the Princess fell in love.

The Prince and Princess lived together in a Castle, secure in their love and knowing that their two cats would love each other as well.

But dark times were coming to the Kingdom of the young lovers. The cats despised one another on sight, and each tried very hard to rid the Castle of the other. Failing in that endeavor, the Orange Cat began expressing his sorrow in the only way he knew how . . . through Improper Elimination.

These were troubled days, yet the Prince and Princess decided to bring into the Castle a new bundle of black labrador joy. Each secretly hoped this new addition would unite them all and bring peace to the Kingdom.

Peace was not to be found. The Prince and Princess sealed their devotion to one another in a ceremony full of pomp and circumstance and chocolate cake. Now King and Queen, they rescued a tiny and ailing baby girl -- the brown labrador kind -- and nursed her back to health.

The Royals felt their family was complete. Health and prosperity abounded in the Kingdom, with Cat and Dog Chow for all.

But alas, a curse was upon the Kingdom, for the Animals could not make their peace with one another. War ensued. The Cats fought daily for the contested rights to the Best Spot on the Bed, and Improper Elimination was used as a weapon of the highest evil.

The Brown Puppy, now recovered from her long illness, became a Force Which Could Not Be Contained. Her lust for life -- and jumping and biting -- knew no bounds, and though oft imprisoned in Pens and Crates, she always escaped to return to the battlefront. She, too, was well-versed in the weapon of Improper Elimination, and she added to her arsenal a new weapon which became known as Mass Book Destruction. Not even hardbacks were safe from her wrath.

The Black Dog attempted reconciliation on numerous occasions, but was defeated every time. He became more and more desperate in his attempts to protect the Castle and the King and Queen from the other Animals, while still fighting the forces of Thunder Storms and Fireworks, which often forced him to flee the Kingdom, albeit temporarily.

The King and Queen were very sad. The War reached its peak when the Orange Cat sustained an Injury to the Paw, but the fighting continued. Books continued to be destroyed, and damage to the Pens and Crates was, finally, irreparable. Fearing that the War would never end, the King and Queen went into exile, abandoning the Castle to the Four Animals. They renounced their throne, and worked as commoners to support themselves in the Village in a Single Bedroom Hovel with Washer and Dryer Hookups.

The King and Queen missed the Animals, each of whom they loved. They listened anxiously for news of the War of the Four Animals, but none came. Hearing their tale, the other villagers vowed never to employ the weapons of Improper Elimination and Mass Book Destruction against one another.

It is said that the War rages on still, and that the former King and Queen are still waiting for peace so that they may return home to the Castle. At times they contemplate adopting new Animals to keep them company, but they always manage to talk one another out of such a dire mistake.