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WHOA.

Can somebody tell me just HOW it came to be December 1st today?

Christmas has been moved back a bit, surely? Because there can be no way that it's going to still happen on December 25th and I DON'T HAVE MY CHRISTMAS TREE UP YET!

Okay. Taking a deep breath, maybe several deep breaths . . .

Every year, around October, I start thinking of all the wonderful things I can do to celebrate the holiday season. There's the Christmas cocktail party, there's the visiting of several relatives and family friends, there's the baking, and candy-making, and the stringing popcorn for the tree, and the wassail-drinking, and the studding oranges with cloves, and the knitting authentic aran sweaters for everyone in my family INCLUDING THE DOGS . . .

One more deep breath . . .

Several years ago, when I was newly living on my own, I told my mom that I felt like a complete failure as a woman. Not, mind you, because I was recently divorced, but because I had neglected to make homemade chutney to give to all my friends and acquaintences. At the time I didn't even know what chutney was, but Martha said I should make it, so it must be so.

Last year, I dutifully planned hand-knit gifts for everyone in the family, which led to many frantic evenings of knitting, one bitching-out by my boss, lots of tears, and ultimately -- my brother-in-law got bourbon instead of hand-knit golf club covers. I think his was the most successfull gift of the season.

So this year, I think I should lower Ye Olde Christmas Expectations. Here's the to-do list:

1. Put up tree. Forego hand-strung popcorn. Do NOT expect the tree-putting-up to be full of wassail and merriment. Accept that it will suck.

2. "Make" two blankets for as-yet-to-be-named recipients. Believe it or not, one is already done, and the other will take a mere afternoon.

3. Complete the small amount of contract knitting I have accepted from Santa Claus. Totally do-able, honest. It's just three little things, one of which is 75% complete already. Okay, maybe four little things. Okay, if I finish those four, maybe five. But definitely not more than five. Really.

4. Can cranberry jam, to round out the already done banana jam and pumpkin butter for those little teeny gifts we always need.

5. Make toffee. Partly because it's needed for a few gifts, but mostly because it's the Christmas version of crack, only with the opposite effect on your weight.

I don't think that list is bad at all, not bad at all. I think there will even be time to squeeze in a reasonable amount of Christmas cheer . . . maybe even merriment.

Yeah, I think merriment is totally doable.