Here We Go Again

I recently ran into someone I hadn't seen in several years who happened to mention a mutual friend, also someone I haven't seen in a long time.

"She's HUGE!" he cried, "I mean, she's really gotten HUGE!"

And I just know he's going to say the same thing about me the first chance he gets.

Seriously, weight has always been an issue for me. I don't remember ever thinking that I was okay, size-wise (although looking at pictures from high school, I really wasn't huge then). And lately, it's becoming that issue that I really can't ignore anymore.

I get out of breath when I walk up the stairs. I worry that anyone who is looking at me is thinking, "she's gotten HUGE!". And I can't keep up with my husband.

(Actually, most people can't keep up with my husband. He truly does have some kind of super-human stores of energy. We went for a bike ride last night and he talked the whole time. Like, in a normal, not out of breath at all kind of voice, just like we were hanging out on the couch. Meanwhile, I was so out of breath that my mouth was hanging open, which meant it got all dried out from the wind, and when I tried to respond to him, all that came out was some kind of lame squeak.)

I spend WAY too much time thinking of things I would do if I were normal-sized.

I'd wear really cool clothes, and I'd never buy a single thing from Lane Bryant, ever again.

I'd go dancing regularly, even if it was only in my back yard, and I'd wear sleeveless tops and throw my arms over my head and shimmy like crazy. And I'd learn to do that cool hula-hoop dancing that the hippie girls do down on the waterfront. And to belly dance.

I'd learn to surf.

I would travel all over the world without worrying that I would get too tired to walk the trendy neighborhoods or that I'd be embarassed to be in the trendy neighborhoods.

I'd walk up to the MAC counter with all the confidence in the world, and tell those girls to do my eyes up right. And I'd maybe dye my hair blond, just for a weekend, or get PURPLE SYNTHETIC DREDS which would look great while I was hula-dancing on the waterfront.

I'd believe my husband when he tells me I'm pretty.

These are all things I would really like to do. And I'm tired of always thinking of what I WOULD do, if I weren't HUGE.

So I'm going to try to do something about it. Again. And this time, I can't quit. I'm posting this today because I'm hoping the ol' internets will somehow keep me accountable (since I simply can't abide the thought of one more Weight Watchers meeting in my life, and they may have finally banned me from the group anyway).

So, okay. I can do this. Seriously, I swore I could never learn to do a cartwheel and I did, PLUS I quit smoking, and, really, I can already shimmy pretty well, so I can do this.

I couldn't quite face a "before" picture here today . . . maybe later, when I can post an "after" picture along with it.