In re Snot

I think it's God's way of laughing and pointing at me like a 12-year-old boy that I got a cold two weeks after getting my nose pierced.

I have come to realize that I have, heretofore, taken some things for granted, like picking my nose and blowing it when necessary. (Oh, come ON! You know all those things are necessary, and you KNOW that sometimes a girl just needs a good nose pick.)

It's not IMPOSSIBLE to do those things soon after piercing your nose, but it is a tad bit more delicate. I won't lie, I was relieved to find that I could sneeze without launching a tiny, stainless steel nose stud missile across the room at unsuspecting passers-by. Sneezing? No problem.

But yesterday, I was sitting in my court conference room, surrounded by defense attorneys and police officers, all of whom were waiting for me to handle their case, and I swear, I could NOT think straight for all the snot that was threatening to trickle down my face

So, as politely as possible, I said, "Excuse me a second," and grabbed a tissue to blow.

And blow, I did. I blew really hard, in fact, because I wanted to get it over with in one blow so I could get on with the job at hand. I blew SO hard, however, that I managed to twist the nose ring so that instead of discreetly lying up against the inside, upper portion of my nose, it was poking out the front, making it appear that not only did I have buggers sticking out my nose, but that my buggers are made of STAINLESS STEEL.

Gah. I held the tissue up to my nose for a second or two, hoping that by a little bit of pressure, I could twist the dang thing back up into my nose -- keep in mind that all the while the afore-mentioned attorneys and cops are still staring at me -- until finally I gave up, choked out, "I'll be right back!", and bolted for the bathroom.

I tell you what, it's hard to be this hip.