Guess What I'm Thinking

Over the past few months, as Big Brother (AKA Louisville Metro Government) has deleted all my favorite blogs from the approved viewing list, I've been scoping out some new blogs. Today, I was reading one that I thought was a hopeful prospect for the Favorites List, when the author launched into a glowing review of the book What is the What. She talked about how beautiful and touching it was, and how she felt so deeply for the Lost Boys of the Sudan.

And all I could think was that this is the same book which is currently lying on the ottoman where I finally tossed it in frustration and utter boredom, after griping to Todd that the guy "needed to get over that damn robbery and talk about something interesting, already."

Yeah. And the other day, when I said to Todd that I thought I was guilty of not being very nice to people in court, I waited and waited for him to say, "You? I'm sure you're nice to everyone!" except that he never did.

So . . . since it seems I'm not really very nice, I have been making a conscious effort to be NICER to people for the past few days, and brother, am I exhausted.

It really shouldn't be that hard. I was raised better than this, truly; I wouldn't want anyone to blame my poor mother for my not-niceness. But it's definitely not easy.

For instance, every time today that I was thinking, "SHUT UP ALREADY YOU FREAKIN' DIRT BAG JUST SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD," I had to say, "Yes, Your Honor, of course, Your Honor, I'll get right on that, Your Honor."

And although the voice in my head was screaming, "HOW CAN ANY GROUP OF PEOPLE BE SO DAMN STUPID AND STILL GET DRESSED IN THE MORNING," what came out of my mouth was, "Sure, NO PROBLEM. I'd love to set aside the bench warrant you have because you're three hours late for your court appearance. Let me do that for you right now."

Best of all, when I was thinking, "FUCK! FUCKITY FUCKY FUCK!" . . . I just smiled and said nothing at all.

I admit, there was that one moment, very near the end of the court's docket, when all I could think was, "I'm really just not listening to what this attorney is saying right now AT ALL," and what came out of my mouth was, "You know, I'm just not listening to what you are saying right now AT ALL.

But I said it nicely.