Remember last year when I told you to watch The Riches, and you said, "what's that?" and I said, "it's totally cool, you should watch it," and you said, "I'll check it out," and then you never did?
Well, if you had, you would understand why I'm so excited to see Eddie Izzard tomorrow night. Here's a snippet. I'm not kidding -- you'll laugh, and you'll know you're going to hell for laughing, but you won't care because it's so damn funny.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Just TRY Not To Laugh
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Guess What I'm Thinking
Over the past few months, as Big Brother (AKA Louisville Metro Government) has deleted all my favorite blogs from the approved viewing list, I've been scoping out some new blogs. Today, I was reading one that I thought was a hopeful prospect for the Favorites List, when the author launched into a glowing review of the book What is the What. She talked about how beautiful and touching it was, and how she felt so deeply for the Lost Boys of the Sudan.
And all I could think was that this is the same book which is currently lying on the ottoman where I finally tossed it in frustration and utter boredom, after griping to Todd that the guy "needed to get over that damn robbery and talk about something interesting, already."
Yeah. And the other day, when I said to Todd that I thought I was guilty of not being very nice to people in court, I waited and waited for him to say, "You? I'm sure you're nice to everyone!" except that he never did.
So . . . since it seems I'm not really very nice, I have been making a conscious effort to be NICER to people for the past few days, and brother, am I exhausted.
It really shouldn't be that hard. I was raised better than this, truly; I wouldn't want anyone to blame my poor mother for my not-niceness. But it's definitely not easy.
For instance, every time today that I was thinking, "SHUT UP ALREADY YOU FREAKIN' DIRT BAG JUST SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD," I had to say, "Yes, Your Honor, of course, Your Honor, I'll get right on that, Your Honor."
And although the voice in my head was screaming, "HOW CAN ANY GROUP OF PEOPLE BE SO DAMN STUPID AND STILL GET DRESSED IN THE MORNING," what came out of my mouth was, "Sure, NO PROBLEM. I'd love to set aside the bench warrant you have because you're three hours late for your court appearance. Let me do that for you right now."
Best of all, when I was thinking, "FUCK! FUCKITY FUCKY FUCK!" . . . I just smiled and said nothing at all.
I admit, there was that one moment, very near the end of the court's docket, when all I could think was, "I'm really just not listening to what this attorney is saying right now AT ALL," and what came out of my mouth was, "You know, I'm just not listening to what you are saying right now AT ALL.
But I said it nicely.
And all I could think was that this is the same book which is currently lying on the ottoman where I finally tossed it in frustration and utter boredom, after griping to Todd that the guy "needed to get over that damn robbery and talk about something interesting, already."
Yeah. And the other day, when I said to Todd that I thought I was guilty of not being very nice to people in court, I waited and waited for him to say, "You? I'm sure you're nice to everyone!" except that he never did.
So . . . since it seems I'm not really very nice, I have been making a conscious effort to be NICER to people for the past few days, and brother, am I exhausted.
It really shouldn't be that hard. I was raised better than this, truly; I wouldn't want anyone to blame my poor mother for my not-niceness. But it's definitely not easy.
For instance, every time today that I was thinking, "SHUT UP ALREADY YOU FREAKIN' DIRT BAG JUST SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD," I had to say, "Yes, Your Honor, of course, Your Honor, I'll get right on that, Your Honor."
And although the voice in my head was screaming, "HOW CAN ANY GROUP OF PEOPLE BE SO DAMN STUPID AND STILL GET DRESSED IN THE MORNING," what came out of my mouth was, "Sure, NO PROBLEM. I'd love to set aside the bench warrant you have because you're three hours late for your court appearance. Let me do that for you right now."
Best of all, when I was thinking, "FUCK! FUCKITY FUCKY FUCK!" . . . I just smiled and said nothing at all.
I admit, there was that one moment, very near the end of the court's docket, when all I could think was, "I'm really just not listening to what this attorney is saying right now AT ALL," and what came out of my mouth was, "You know, I'm just not listening to what you are saying right now AT ALL.
But I said it nicely.
Monday, April 14, 2008
In Case You Forgot I Am A Geek
I don't know what you did with your Monday night, but me? I went to Sewing Class!
I have a friend at work over whom I suffer regular pangs of jealousy, not just because she's thin and pretty, but because she was a HOME ECONOMICS major in college. Seriously! Did you know you could major in home ec before going to law school? That you could learn how to do lots of cool stuff like knit and sew and cook and probably "put up" vegetables in the summer and that could be your DEGREE?
Well, I didn't. And I am SO having to play catch up. Hence the sewing class.
Class actually started a couple of weeks ago, and I was totally unimpressed, what with the two-hour lecture on fabric and thread that was exactly as exciting as it sounds. But tonight, we made up for it by completely sewing not one, but TWO projects.
A pillow sham:
Look how plump and lovely it looks, sitting there on the couch. It's destined to live on my bed, once I make its twin.
And a pouch-thingy:
That pouch-thingy looks all sweet and innocent, but don't let it fool you. I sewed the whole dang thing and held it up for the teacher's approval, only to discover that the dad-gumbed zipper was inside out. I took it apart, and sewed it back together, and now it zips open and shut properly, but the ducks on the back are upside down.
Todd says that the upside down ducks are what make it special. That ANYONE could have a pouch-thingy with right side up ducks, but this pouch-thingy is unique. You gotta love him, that Todd.
I'm fighting a mad urge to make a sham for every pillow in the house.
I have a friend at work over whom I suffer regular pangs of jealousy, not just because she's thin and pretty, but because she was a HOME ECONOMICS major in college. Seriously! Did you know you could major in home ec before going to law school? That you could learn how to do lots of cool stuff like knit and sew and cook and probably "put up" vegetables in the summer and that could be your DEGREE?
Well, I didn't. And I am SO having to play catch up. Hence the sewing class.
Class actually started a couple of weeks ago, and I was totally unimpressed, what with the two-hour lecture on fabric and thread that was exactly as exciting as it sounds. But tonight, we made up for it by completely sewing not one, but TWO projects.
A pillow sham:
Look how plump and lovely it looks, sitting there on the couch. It's destined to live on my bed, once I make its twin.
And a pouch-thingy:
That pouch-thingy looks all sweet and innocent, but don't let it fool you. I sewed the whole dang thing and held it up for the teacher's approval, only to discover that the dad-gumbed zipper was inside out. I took it apart, and sewed it back together, and now it zips open and shut properly, but the ducks on the back are upside down.
Todd says that the upside down ducks are what make it special. That ANYONE could have a pouch-thingy with right side up ducks, but this pouch-thingy is unique. You gotta love him, that Todd.
I'm fighting a mad urge to make a sham for every pillow in the house.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
I'm Not Going, And You Can't Make Me
I recently realized that I am getting dangerously close to the one-year anniversary -- blogiversary, if you will -- of Around the Subject.
And I'm also realizing that a big plus of having a year-old blog is being able to look back at what I was doing around this time last year.
Thunder Over Louisville, for instance. If I had any doubt about my rather vocal refusal to attend this year, I need only read back over the horror that was Coming Home From Thunder last year.
I have a friend who is, I think, boycotting Thunder this year for many socially-conscious reasons. Me, I just hate the traffic. And it's kind of cold. And it might rain.
So today, I will be celebrating the start of the Kentucky Derby Festival by going to Costco, spending a birthday gift certificate on some cool jewelry from Just Creations, and probably making homemade pizza for dinner.
Not a firework in sight, and I'm cool with that.
And I'm also realizing that a big plus of having a year-old blog is being able to look back at what I was doing around this time last year.
Thunder Over Louisville, for instance. If I had any doubt about my rather vocal refusal to attend this year, I need only read back over the horror that was Coming Home From Thunder last year.
I have a friend who is, I think, boycotting Thunder this year for many socially-conscious reasons. Me, I just hate the traffic. And it's kind of cold. And it might rain.
So today, I will be celebrating the start of the Kentucky Derby Festival by going to Costco, spending a birthday gift certificate on some cool jewelry from Just Creations, and probably making homemade pizza for dinner.
Not a firework in sight, and I'm cool with that.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Sometimes Things Work Out
I just got home from a fun evening out with a new friend of mine and am thinking how cool it is to meet new people that you end up caring about.
Okay, that was one of the most tortured sentences I have ever written. Here's the story: Several months ago, you'll recall that I started tutoring an 11-year old girl as a part-time job. As most of my part-time jobs have, it turned out to be a lot of work for not a lot of payola. I mean, really -- there is absolutely nothing on my resume to suggest that I would ever voluntarily do MATH. I was an English major, for crap's sake!
But as I began to get close to the end of the tutoring period, I realized that I had grown quite attached to my . . . tutoree? . . . tutee? . . . anyway, to the girl I'll henceforth refer to as Little. She's quite a live one, Little, and I really enjoyed our conversations (when they weren't about the properties of an isosceles triangle). Actually, I started to really like the whole family. I tossed around the idea of asking her mom if I could keep in touch, but that seemed kind of weird. So I started thinking about getting involved in Big Brothers Big Sisters, in the hopes of bonding equally well with another kid.
Then, on one of my last tutoring nights, I arrived at Little's house at the same time as a co-worker of mine. Weird. Turns out, SHE had recently signed up with BBBS, and been matched with Little's little sister, Littlest. Little's mom told me that she had actually signed up all three girls, Little, Littler, and Littlest, and was waiting on matches for Little and Littler.
Are you confused yet? Sorry, I'll try to wrap it up.
Anyway, to make a really long story just about as long, I contacted BBBS and told them that I really want to be a Big Sister for Little, and at the same time, Little's mom contacted BBBS and told them that they would really like to have Little matched with me. And it worked out perfectly!
We met last weekend to go over all the rules, and tonight, Little and I had our End of Tutoring/Start of Big Sistering Celebratory Dinner at Texas Roadhouse (her choice), where we ate lots and lots of rolls with cinnamon butter, and talked about everything from movies (we both like sci-fi-ish stuff), to politics (she's warming up to the idea of a stimulus payment), to the merits of bikinis over "whole pieces".
What an interesting partnership this is going to be!
Okay, that was one of the most tortured sentences I have ever written. Here's the story: Several months ago, you'll recall that I started tutoring an 11-year old girl as a part-time job. As most of my part-time jobs have, it turned out to be a lot of work for not a lot of payola. I mean, really -- there is absolutely nothing on my resume to suggest that I would ever voluntarily do MATH. I was an English major, for crap's sake!
But as I began to get close to the end of the tutoring period, I realized that I had grown quite attached to my . . . tutoree? . . . tutee? . . . anyway, to the girl I'll henceforth refer to as Little. She's quite a live one, Little, and I really enjoyed our conversations (when they weren't about the properties of an isosceles triangle). Actually, I started to really like the whole family. I tossed around the idea of asking her mom if I could keep in touch, but that seemed kind of weird. So I started thinking about getting involved in Big Brothers Big Sisters, in the hopes of bonding equally well with another kid.
Then, on one of my last tutoring nights, I arrived at Little's house at the same time as a co-worker of mine. Weird. Turns out, SHE had recently signed up with BBBS, and been matched with Little's little sister, Littlest. Little's mom told me that she had actually signed up all three girls, Little, Littler, and Littlest, and was waiting on matches for Little and Littler.
Are you confused yet? Sorry, I'll try to wrap it up.
Anyway, to make a really long story just about as long, I contacted BBBS and told them that I really want to be a Big Sister for Little, and at the same time, Little's mom contacted BBBS and told them that they would really like to have Little matched with me. And it worked out perfectly!
We met last weekend to go over all the rules, and tonight, Little and I had our End of Tutoring/Start of Big Sistering Celebratory Dinner at Texas Roadhouse (her choice), where we ate lots and lots of rolls with cinnamon butter, and talked about everything from movies (we both like sci-fi-ish stuff), to politics (she's warming up to the idea of a stimulus payment), to the merits of bikinis over "whole pieces".
What an interesting partnership this is going to be!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
This Post is (Almost) 101 Things Long
Okay, I've been wracking my poor, poor brain, trying to come up with my 101 things. Everyone I know is tired of hearing, "what else can I add?" So, here it is, and it will just have to be rounded out with an extra 15 or so items before the time's up. My 1,001 days starts today, April 1 (and, NO, this is not an April Fool's Day thing. What a dumb holiday.), and ends on December 28, 2010.
I divided the list up into three parts, "Mind," "Body," and "Soul." Some of the placement of things might seem a bit arbitrary, but I just put 'em where they seemed to me to belong.
Mind
1Finish writing my list of 101 things: completed 4/11/08
2Complete The Artist's Way program
3Settle on an idea for a novel
4Write the first chapter of a novel
5Finish writing a novel
6Take a sewing class: completed 4/28/08
7Take violin lessons for at least one year
8Go to New York City
9Learn to play a Ben Folds song on the piano
10Have a soup-exchange party
11Have a beer-tasting party
12Write a short story
13Send a short story off for publication
14Write a poem
15Send a poem off for publication
16Read at least four non-fiction books in 2008 completed 10/15/08
17Write a grant proposal for a non-profit
18Volunteer at a non-profit organization for at least six months
19Learn to make pull candy
20Go to the planetarium completed 06/13/08
21Go to the giraffe exhibit at the Nashville Zoo
22Go to Shakespeare in the Park completed 06/27/08
23Work on a political campaign completed 11/1/09
24Attend a book discussion group
25Take a creative writing class
26Go on a ghost walk in Louisville
27Read a book to learn more about US history completed 10/13/08
28Perfect a "signature dish"
29Teach somebody to do something
30Participate in NaNoWriMo
31Write a song
32Sew myself a skirt
33Finish the "It" dress
34Enter something in the State Fair completed 08/10/08
BODY
1Lose 10 pounds completed 02/02/09
2Lose 20 pounds completed 04/01/09
3Lose 30 pounds
4Lose 40 pounds
5Lose 50 pounds
6Lose 60 pounds
7Lose 70 pounds
8Lose 80 pounds
9Lose 90 pounds
10Lose 100 pounds
11Run (or walk quickly!) in a race
12Complete a century bike ride
13Take at least 3 yoga classes completed 04/15/09
14Take at least 3 bellydance classes
15Go diving at least twice in 2008
16Go diving at least four times in 2009
17Go diving at least six times in 2010
18Dive in saltwater
19Dive the St. Lawrence
20Learn to use liquid eyeliner completed 06/13/08
21Join a CSA
22Wear black fingernail polish (in public)completed 05/26/08
23Take a dance class with Todd
24Go dancing
25Get rid of all the clothes that don't fit me right now
26Knit a chalk bag for Todd
27Go for a walk in Cave Hill Cemetery
28Take a Segway tour
29Exercise 5 days/wk for one month
30Make mint julep liqeur completed 08/08
31Learn to use my roller blades
32Go on an overnight camping/canoe or kayak trip
33Have a massage
SOUL
1Make a quilt
2Play in my church orchestra completed 10/2/08
3Be a Big Sister for at least six months completed 09/08
4Learn to bake bread
5Knit a sweater for myself
6See "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" again
7Buy a Carpenter's album
8Read the whole Bible
90Go on a retreat by myself
10Complete "8-Minute Meditation" program
11Frame my wedding pictures and hang them
12Journal every day for thirty days
13Get red cowboy boots
14Get a little black dress
15Start a service project at church
16Buy a piece of original art
17Go to the roller derby
18Go to a Red's game completed 07/04/08
19See John Cougar Mellencamp in concert
20Rent a dumpster and fill it with stuff from my house
21Buy a copy of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
22Make a fleece blanket for myself completed 01/28/09
23Draw something
24Send out holiday cards -- not for Christmas
25Have my cards read
26Take myself on a picnic
27Organize a group campout
28Send someone a thank you note
39Buy a piece of vintage clothing
30Watch a sunrise
31Plan a European or Asian vacation
32Give someone a homemade present of food completed 06/13/08
33Go six months without using a credit card
34Give something to someone who needs it completed 05/23/08
I divided the list up into three parts, "Mind," "Body," and "Soul." Some of the placement of things might seem a bit arbitrary, but I just put 'em where they seemed to me to belong.
Mind
1Finish writing my list of 101 things: completed 4/11/08
2Complete The Artist's Way program
3Settle on an idea for a novel
4Write the first chapter of a novel
5Finish writing a novel
6Take a sewing class: completed 4/28/08
7Take violin lessons for at least one year
8Go to New York City
9Learn to play a Ben Folds song on the piano
10Have a soup-exchange party
11Have a beer-tasting party
12Write a short story
13Send a short story off for publication
14Write a poem
15Send a poem off for publication
16Read at least four non-fiction books in 2008 completed 10/15/08
17Write a grant proposal for a non-profit
18Volunteer at a non-profit organization for at least six months
19Learn to make pull candy
20Go to the planetarium completed 06/13/08
21Go to the giraffe exhibit at the Nashville Zoo
22Go to Shakespeare in the Park completed 06/27/08
23Work on a political campaign completed 11/1/09
24Attend a book discussion group
25Take a creative writing class
26Go on a ghost walk in Louisville
27Read a book to learn more about US history completed 10/13/08
28Perfect a "signature dish"
29Teach somebody to do something
30Participate in NaNoWriMo
31Write a song
32Sew myself a skirt
33Finish the "It" dress
34Enter something in the State Fair completed 08/10/08
BODY
1Lose 10 pounds completed 02/02/09
2Lose 20 pounds completed 04/01/09
3Lose 30 pounds
4Lose 40 pounds
5Lose 50 pounds
6Lose 60 pounds
7Lose 70 pounds
8Lose 80 pounds
9Lose 90 pounds
10Lose 100 pounds
11Run (or walk quickly!) in a race
12Complete a century bike ride
13Take at least 3 yoga classes completed 04/15/09
14Take at least 3 bellydance classes
15Go diving at least twice in 2008
16Go diving at least four times in 2009
17Go diving at least six times in 2010
18Dive in saltwater
19Dive the St. Lawrence
20Learn to use liquid eyeliner completed 06/13/08
21Join a CSA
22Wear black fingernail polish (in public)completed 05/26/08
23Take a dance class with Todd
24Go dancing
25Get rid of all the clothes that don't fit me right now
26Knit a chalk bag for Todd
27Go for a walk in Cave Hill Cemetery
28Take a Segway tour
29Exercise 5 days/wk for one month
30Make mint julep liqeur completed 08/08
31Learn to use my roller blades
32Go on an overnight camping/canoe or kayak trip
33Have a massage
SOUL
1Make a quilt
2Play in my church orchestra completed 10/2/08
3Be a Big Sister for at least six months completed 09/08
4Learn to bake bread
5Knit a sweater for myself
6See "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" again
7Buy a Carpenter's album
8Read the whole Bible
90Go on a retreat by myself
10Complete "8-Minute Meditation" program
11Frame my wedding pictures and hang them
12Journal every day for thirty days
13Get red cowboy boots
14Get a little black dress
15Start a service project at church
16Buy a piece of original art
17Go to the roller derby
18Go to a Red's game completed 07/04/08
19See John Cougar Mellencamp in concert
20Rent a dumpster and fill it with stuff from my house
21Buy a copy of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
22Make a fleece blanket for myself completed 01/28/09
23Draw something
24Send out holiday cards -- not for Christmas
25Have my cards read
26Take myself on a picnic
27Organize a group campout
28Send someone a thank you note
39Buy a piece of vintage clothing
30Watch a sunrise
31Plan a European or Asian vacation
32Give someone a homemade present of food completed 06/13/08
33Go six months without using a credit card
34Give something to someone who needs it completed 05/23/08
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